hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
