evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
