Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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