dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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