I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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