It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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