how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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