I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we should paint friendship bongs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
