im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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