I'm gonna have a badass scar
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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