If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
