just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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