u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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