does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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