Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
