I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
