i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
