just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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