Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
