What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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