Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
