I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
