I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We talked him into tasing himself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
