Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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