Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Operation Purity has been aborted
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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