I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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