if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
