So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
