He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
