i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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