he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize