If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you had me at cake vodka
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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