i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
