Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
