So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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