Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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