sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
