so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
