So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
