hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
