I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
