Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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