Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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