he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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