i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
