im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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