I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
