You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
