I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
