Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
