dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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