i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
