im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
