Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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