I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
