If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Damn victory sex feels great
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
