I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I need moral support for this bender
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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