i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
