I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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