I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
