"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
