I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize