I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
