Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
