Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
