i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
