if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize