Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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