i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
