My room smells like vodka and shame
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
