i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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