I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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