btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
