tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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