Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
