I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
