Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
