so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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